We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
