I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
