I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
