I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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