the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize