Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
