he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
