like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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