there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
