You smell like stripper and shame
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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