in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
