just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize