Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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