good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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