You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
