It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
