If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
