Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
