sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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