He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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