she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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