Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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