I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
