all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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