My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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