are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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