we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
