I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
