If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
