Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
