i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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