just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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