Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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