watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize