Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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