Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
