how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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