You just made me feel so damn special
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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