I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
