Sober January is a disaster.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
