i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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