just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
