Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
