Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
