I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
