I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
