Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize