You made me cry and you don't even care
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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