I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
