I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
