i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
