dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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