so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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