Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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