I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
