I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
