i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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