I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
