So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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