when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
