You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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