Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize