I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
