All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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