youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
