I wish I could punch you in the face.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
